[that, he can gladly do. as much as livio has made efforts to embrace his emotions once more, he still finds that physical touch or affection is a hell of a lot easier to parse. he kicks his boots off before sidling up to the bed, taking care not to disturb the blanket nest even though he knows his weight will shift the mattress. one of his hands comes to rest near the opening of the covers, if vash chooses to take it. livio will let him decide if he wants touch.
he's quiet, for a time, waiting for any other direction. his eyes can't seem to meet vash's, though it's uncertain whether this is out of guilt or respect for the plant's privacy. liv knows he feels self-conscious when people see him worked up.]
[He doesn't take the hand, per se, but it also isn't ignored. Vash's face pokes out of the blankets just that little bit more, enough that he can lay his hand against the coarse palm. A weary sigh escapes him, and with it the whole pile seems to decompress. He's been holding that in for awhile.]
[that's plenty for livio to feel like he's helping. as gently as he can, he caresses vash's skin, trying to offer what small reassurance he can. he recalls clear as day the conversation the two of them had with nick, and how fond vash was of pure vanilla.
and while he wouldn't compare their situations out loud, livio can sympathize as easy as breathing. back home, by the time he could admit to himself what he felt, nicholas was buried. it's only a miracle the two of them can be together here. but if truthless recluse is simply pure vanilla's replacement... vash will never get such a miracle. it breaks livio's heart.]
I'm so sorry, Vash. [unhelpful platitudes like that aren't something livio would have offered, over a year ago when he first came here. now, he doesn't know what else to say.]
[It's enough. Honestly, Vash doesn't need words really. He appreciates, more than anything, the permission to be able to grieve. It's been so long since he's been able to let himself. Even now, he can't deny that it feels wrong. But he's long learned the dangers of "holding it in." He won't put anyone at risk for trying that all over again.]
I just - [He tries to find words. Logic. A way to forgive what happened. But nothing comes out. There's just a strange, mournful noise before he buries his face back in that hand. Livio will probably feel some tears start to fill the grooves there.]
[... livio might change his mind. he twists and bends, hand never leaving vash's face, but laying his body along the edge of the bed. there's room for vash to turn away if he wants it, but god if livio doesn't have the urge to try to wrap vash up with his whole body. he would never tell the independent not to grieve, but if he can ease the pain by making vash feel surrounded by at least some love...
he doesn't offer any further apologies. doesn't act as if vash crying or mourning is a burden in any way.]
I'm here, angel. [that's all. livio will keep him company as long as he needs it. giving vash a shoulder to lean on is the tiniest possible way he can repay all the plant has done for him.]
[Vash won't pretend that he doesn't try to flinch away. It's instinctive, it's all he's ever known. It isn't fair, when so many others have hurt because of him. But despite everything, Vash has made progress. Maybe he can't always see it, but there are moments, like right now, where he lets himself simply be.
And right now, being means melting back into that embrace. Livio has always been a warm, welcome weight at his side. That's been the case from the moment they happened to meet. And the last thing he wants is to reject even further love from himself.]
Thank you. [It's so soft, and addled with tears, but the words are still there.] Love you.
[he feels vash start to pull back, and he also notices him allow it. vash may have over a hundred years more experience with grief and self-hate, but livio knows how fucking hard it is to allow people to show him affection when he believes with his whole heart that he doesn't deserve it.]
I'm proud of you, Vash. [his voice is even softer, now.] And I love you, too.
[To be honest, Vash isn't sure what he's answering to, but it's an answer nonetheless. And to his credit, he doesn't appear to clam up, or resist the outpouring of emotion. He continues to weep openly, burying hi face into a rough but warm palm. He doesn't try to hold it back, or swallow it down. Doing so has never helped him, after all.]
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he's quiet, for a time, waiting for any other direction. his eyes can't seem to meet vash's, though it's uncertain whether this is out of guilt or respect for the plant's privacy. liv knows he feels self-conscious when people see him worked up.]
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I should have said something to him sooner.
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and while he wouldn't compare their situations out loud, livio can sympathize as easy as breathing. back home, by the time he could admit to himself what he felt, nicholas was buried. it's only a miracle the two of them can be together here. but if truthless recluse is simply pure vanilla's replacement... vash will never get such a miracle. it breaks livio's heart.]
I'm so sorry, Vash. [unhelpful platitudes like that aren't something livio would have offered, over a year ago when he first came here. now, he doesn't know what else to say.]
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I just - [He tries to find words. Logic. A way to forgive what happened. But nothing comes out. There's just a strange, mournful noise before he buries his face back in that hand. Livio will probably feel some tears start to fill the grooves there.]
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he doesn't offer any further apologies. doesn't act as if vash crying or mourning is a burden in any way.]
I'm here, angel. [that's all. livio will keep him company as long as he needs it. giving vash a shoulder to lean on is the tiniest possible way he can repay all the plant has done for him.]
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And right now, being means melting back into that embrace. Livio has always been a warm, welcome weight at his side. That's been the case from the moment they happened to meet. And the last thing he wants is to reject even further love from himself.]
Thank you. [It's so soft, and addled with tears, but the words are still there.] Love you.
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I'm proud of you, Vash. [his voice is even softer, now.] And I love you, too.
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[He sniffles, nice and wet.]
I appreciate. 'n' that you're still with me, even after everything.
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his free arm wraps around the blanket pile that is vash, tugging him close.]
I'll never leave you. Not unless y'ask.
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[He's come close, before. He's shoved as hard as he could. But not anymore. It's never done him any good.]
Stay here. With me.
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for now, though, he holds vash close and nuzzles in carefully, gentle as ever despite the sharp horns. he can work around them.]
But for now... let out whatever y'need to.
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[To be honest, Vash isn't sure what he's answering to, but it's an answer nonetheless. And to his credit, he doesn't appear to clam up, or resist the outpouring of emotion. He continues to weep openly, burying hi face into a rough but warm palm. He doesn't try to hold it back, or swallow it down. Doing so has never helped him, after all.]